While listening to Matthew 14 this morning, It hit me that two of the most spoken about miracles that Jesus did (the feeding of 5,000+, and Peter walking on water) were done while He was grieving the loss of someone very dear to Him.
Perhaps you could say John the Baptist was Jesus’ spiritual leader, His trailblazer. Undoubtedly, Jesus and John the Baptist had a close bond that went back to infancy, and even to before they were born. John the Baptist was possibly the only man in Jesus’ life who understood the depth and breadth of who Jesus was, His calling, purpose, and what He was to face. John the Baptist was the one who declared Jesus’ purpose, who baptized Him, who was there when the Spirit of God fell on Jesus.
But let me pause a moment before I go any further in my pondering, and let me recap the story why Jesus was grieving.
This story is sad: an under age young girl dances a seductive dance at the birthday party for her uncle (and stepfather?), king Herod. He is so “pleased” with her dancing that he promises to give her whatever she wants up, to half of his kingdom. The child runs to her mom, Herodius, asking her what she should do. The vindictive mom, angry at John the Baptist because he had spoken against her affair with her brother-in-law Herod, advises her daughter to ask that the head of John the Baptist be delivered to her on a platter. Yes, that was to be her tip for her dance performance — the head of John the Baptist.
Tragically, the platter was delivered to the young girl as she had requested.
And now? Jesus was grieving the loss. He probably felt alone, struggling with the deep pain of losing someone dear to Him, someone who had been His spiritual leader, influencer.
So what did Jesus do in the midst of His grieving? Something he needed to do. He went and found a solitude place where He could grieve and heal.
Yet, while He was seeking this healing oasis, the crowds followed Him so that He couldn’t even find that peaceful and quiet space He was needing. Instead, in the midst of His own loss and pain, He was compelled to minister to those around Him.
Who wants to eat when they’re grieving? Not me. Yet, look at what Jesus did. While He was hurting and suffering from such a deep loss, He fed 5,000 men, plus women and children.
We then seem to forget that after the crowds were satisfied and gone away, that same evening Jesus tried again to find His solitude place. After all, He was still grieving deep loss.
But then the night came. This was likely a dark time of His life.
He spent the night alone that night. Perhaps He wept when no one saw Him. Perhaps He felt empty, alone, questioned the loss and pain. Who knows. After all, He suffered like the rest of us.
Then in this darkest time of the night, right before dawn, Jesus told His disciples, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” He then went on to tell Peter to step out and walk on the water.
It all took faith and compassion. It tooking putting His own needs aside to minister to those around Him. Such unselfishness. Such giving. Such amazing love.
As I sit here in pain, struggling with the loss of my spouse, my sister, and my father, it’s easy to want to run away from the crowds and demands of life. Its a natural healing thing to seek a retreat where I can escape. But, I don’t want to forget that this is possibly one of the times that God can shine through me in a more impactful and meaningful way.
God please use me, and work through me as you see fit.
Amen.
(Originally written Nov 4, 2019)
Beautiful In Time 